I write to you as the Presiding Family Judge for the Midlands Circuit. I am writing this letter to encourage you not to come to court, but to think of better ways to help your children through what will inevitably be a difficult time.

In making enquiries of a MIAM (mediation) provider, you will probably be thinking about making an application to the Family Court. Before making such an application, I would urge you to think about the following matters. 

It is in children’s best interests to be able to enjoy a meaningful relationship with both their parents, provided it is safe. Parental separation does not need to be difficult for children. Many thousands of children experience their parents’ separation every year and suffer absolutely no harm or disadvantage. What causes harm to children is becoming trapped in lengthy, hostile litigation and being forced to carry the burden of ongoing adult disputes. That is why we will always urge you to find a way to work together outside of court proceedings in your children’s best interests. The best people to make decisions about your child or children is you, the parents – the people who know them best. We want to support you as parents to find alternative ways of resolving the issues between you that will avoid a decision being imposed upon you by a judge. 

Please watch the short videos entitled ‘Before you apply to court’ and ‘Alternatives ways of resolving family disputes’, available on the Midlands Family Justice YouTube channel at: https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLtk_X8Uli4krJVGlhpvqZ4tEBBPWDqXyH&si=U3btVU4NI1n5C1R9

Your MIAM provider will give you a wealth of information about various means of resolving disputes outside of court. There are lots of different ways mediation can work to help separating parents reach agreement. It does not necessarily mean face to face meetings between you and your former partner. If mediation is assessed to be appropriate in your case, I would urge you to engage in the process not only to resolve the current difficulties but to help equip you with the necessary tools to resolve issues regarding your children in the longer term. Financial support may be available to assist with the cost of mediation.

You should also have been provided with a list of local services who can provide support on a range of issues, from basic parenting to parental mental health. If you are aware of concerns that may impact on your ability to provide safe and consistent care for a child, I would encourage you to seek support now and address the issues rather than spend many months in costly litigation arguing about whether such intervention is necessary.

Further information, advice and support on all these issues is available online at the Midlands Family Justice Hub website [INSERT WEB ADDRESS].

Over the weeks ahead, you will need to make important decisions about the care arrangements for your child or children. Those decisions, and the way they are made, will provide the framework for co-parenting your children into the future. It is essential every effort is made to do so respectfully of each other as parents, and with your children’s best interests at heart.

Mrs Justice Nathalie Lieven, DBE

Presiding Family Judge for Midlands Circuit